Nothing Creative Today

For some reason this whole "laid off" thing is really getting under my skin. It's confusing how personally I've taken it, even though I know full well that it was the right decision for my soon-to-be previous employer to make, as well as the best decision for my life. I think what bothers me most are the feelings associated with rejection: not being needed, and being entirely disposable. Which just boils down to the feeling of being completely unremarkable.

You slave and slave through school, believing in the idea of with hard work comes a great payoff. (Happiness, no less.) Now that I'm finally here it feels as if the whole thing was a joke. Maybe it's because of the choices I've made, and the attitude that I currently possess, but in one short year my life has radically changed, and I don't believe it's for the better.

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know that I'm being over dramatic, but I don't want to be one of those people who peaked while they were in college. I don't want my life to feel like the first five minutes of Fight Club forever. I want my professional life to have meaning again, to work on things that I care about. I want my brain to feel sharp and focused, instead of numb and cloudy. I want to stop living paycheck to paycheck, and be able to invite friends over for dinner.

Surely things have to improve, I just hope they do sooner rather than later.

So I was laid off on Tuesday, and I can't bring myself to start job searching. I'm hoping that somebody will just pay me to write on this website and take photographs, so if you are interested, feel free to send me an email. I don't know what is next in my life, but I do know that this is a blessing. I have been miserable since working full time at my soon to be last job, and I'm excited to find something new, something that will inspire creativity, instead of oppress it.

I decided that my office needed more art on it's walls. Then I decided that an entire wall should apparently be an ode to me...

I own a lot of photographs.

Found these links while searching for images to recap Crown Tuesday...

Bea Arthur

Puppet

(Note this puppet image is not exactly safe for work, however it is THE FIRST image result when you google "puppet")

me: The state of the union address is scheduled to take place on Feb. 2and people are all up in arms about itbecause it might conflict with the season premier of LOSTI am conflicted.
Sarah:ha ha hame:Yep.Won't be voting for that jerk again.Sarah:I just imagined that the State of the Union turned into a Lost crossover eventand it was all about the show somehowme:THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME.Sarah: and Obama becomes politically irrelevant but pop culturally AWESOME

Another fabulous idea I stole from Maria Davis.


25 things to accomplish in my 25th Year

1. Write a "This I Believe" essay
2. Lose 25 Pounds
3. Learn how to play chess
4. Make a delicious curry. From scratch.
5. Make a delicious pie. Also from scratch
6. Apply to Graduate School
7. Visit Portland, OR
8. Print on Wax
9. Apply for at least 3 solo shows
10. Dioptric
11. Read 25 books
12. Work on something political
13. Refinish and fill an old bookcase
14. Ride on a motorcycle
15. Fill the pages of at least 2 journals
16. Go Camping (never been)
17. Participate in NaBloPoMo
18. Sing a Karaoke Song
19. Visit the Sun Tunnels
20. Govinda's Buffet at the Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple
21. Ride a train to Denver, CO (Never been on a train, or to Denver)
22. Ride on a boat (Never been on a boat)
23. Fix my current Employment/Income/"What the hell am I doing with my life?" predicament
24. Quit various vices
25. Mildly Creative Today
    

Dear Rolling Stone,

While I appreciate many of the albums listed on Top 100 albums of the decade, I believe you have forgotten a few key albums. (Feel free to all eight million U2 albums on the list with the following)

Tool: 10,000 Days
A Perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step
A Perfect Circle: Mer De Noms
Modest Mouse: Good News For People Who Love Bad News
Nine Inch Nails: With Teeth

And some others I'm sure.

Okay, okay, I realize my list is a little Maynard James Keenan heavy, but seriously? I realize I probably love 13th Step a little too much, but think of all the great songs you're neglecting. No "Three Libras?" No "Judith?" What about "The Outsider?" or "Weak and Powerless?" WHO ARE YOU ROLLING STONE?

Sincerly,
Mallory Qualls

PS I hate Green Day, American Idiot, and all that they and that album stand for.

All day I've been searching for the right words to say, about how I feel right now. Aye Thot aboot ryteng uh wghool pohst eyn oer sekrit lengwige. I thought about posting hundreds of images, or telling thousands of stories. Particularly the story when I had him fooled and threw him a surprise birthday party. Or maybe I would talk about how he was the only person I ever truly felt comfortable talking about art with. Or maybe the time we drove around shouting our lungs out to Mariah Carrey (Or Hall and Oates that other time.)

I can't possibly quantify my feelings, or even begin to explain how much he meant to me. But I know I wouldn't have been able to survive these past few years without my friend Jeremy. Maybe I'll just re-post this previous entry, because that particular day meant more to me than many.

The dashboard melted but we still have the radio

5:00 AM: My phone's alarm clock goes off. The girls just left like four hours ago, and it's time to get up
5:03 AM: Let The Duke out, force him to come back in, he was chasing a bird...
5:05 AM: Fight The Duke to take his vitamin, he likes to pretend that he's swallowed the little blue pill, but never does.
5:08 AM: The Duke finally swallows the pill
5:30 AM: Leave for Becca's.
5:37 AM: Panic, I'm out of gas and my car keeps beeping.
5:45 AM: Arrive safely to Maverik, 37.40 for a tank of gas? I wish I was dead.
6:05 AM: Make it to Becca's without getting lost. Still five minutes late though. Damn, guess I'm not the punctual one after all.
6:20 AM: Stop at my house to get shoes and a jacket. Scare the crap out of my mom. Drop off stuff so Mikey can go check up on the Duke while I'm out for the day.
6:37 AM: Becca asks how long till we get there, I say about 30 mins.
7:00 AM: Get off the freeway. Orem is under construction. Bizarro-world is even more bizarre this morning.
7:15 AM: Arrive to Jeremy's apt complex. Find a parking spot. Text Jeremy
7:16 AM: Jeremy walks out to the car, my my my, it's good to see my friend.
7:17 AM: Drive around the wacky world of Orem. Becca tells us stories about the various buildings on the way. She used to work at Savers. Seriously could she be any cooler?
7:25 AM: Jeremy and Becca start talking about some viaduct or something. Apparently its a landmark. Lots of round abouts. I try really hard not to crash or get a speeding ticket.
7:30 AM: Arrive to the Village Inn. Still feeling sick due to events occuring earlier in the week.
8:30 AM: Head to Becca's parents' house.
8:45 AM: Arrive to the house of Becca's past. Meet her parents and two dogs, Ollie and Betty. Ollie is no Betty. Still feeling a little queasy but so excited to be hanging out. Becca's mom is really nice and loves gardening. She should be friends with my Mom. They could talk gardening. We snag the paper and go garage sailing. I'm totally starting the summer list before August this year and I'm proud of myself.
9:15 AM: Find some sweet stuff. Try to buy a cane for Mikey. They're not for sale. In fact nothing in this garage is for sale. I get whacked with a cane, so i kick some throats.
10:30 AM: I told you Orem was bizarre, they have drive through gas stations. We order Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, water and a bag of sunflower seeds. The girl at the window thinks I'm batshit insane. She's probably right.
11:11 AM: We visit Savers. I find a sweet scarf and trivial pursuit the 90s edition. Decide to only get the scarf. Jeremy finds an awesome couch and a cool camera. I should have purchased the camera but didn't.
12:15 PM: Visit a local pet store. I recognize the shopping center, it has a UPS Store. A little person works at the store out there. Seriously. We look at the animals. Becca thinks about getting a turtle. I text Lisa and Marci asking them about their turtles and what they eat. Ms. Petunia eats meal worms, Mikey eats pellets.
12:35 PM: Drive around some more. Recognize another shopping center. It has a UPS Store. Stumble upon a super garage sale at an elementary school. Find some cool shirts, fall in love with everyone looking through the used items.
1:13 PM: Everyone needs to wazz. Becca and I hear each other wazz for the first time. We're gonna be friends forever.
1:15 PM: Go to lunch, Osaka. Its tasty. I eat my entire meal. Haven't done that for over a week. Hmmm. Things will be okay. Jeremy takes pictures of us. We sort of hate him, but oblige. After eating we lounge in a secret lounge. Take more pictures. Decide to go to the book store for books and caffeine.
2:30 PM: Drive to the book store. Recognize a few land marks while driving, including a restaurant i went to with Scott and Virgina a few months ago. I felt informed.
2:35 PM: Wander aimlessly around Barnes and Noble. Lose Jeremy. Find a cool new address book. Jeremy and Becca both decide to buy journals. Hope they like them as much as I love mine. Sit down to talk. Accidentally swear in Orem. Get a dirty look. Leave, look for candy, no such luck. Head back to Becca's
3: 30 PM: Becca's Mom plays from the music Jeremy bought at one of the garage sales, then plays Chopin. It was beautiful. She and Becca play a song from their past. It was like watching a memory. I marvel at how welcoming she was to me. Ollie is still no Betty, but he's pretty damn cute. I don't want the day to end.
4:30 PM: Drop Jeremy off at his apt. I'm sad to see him leave. We wave goodbye.
4:35 PM: Orem is still in shambles, we can't find freeway on ramp
5:15 PM: Finally make it to the Salt Lake Valley. Drop Becca off at Jake's parent's house.
5:17 PM : The best Saturday ever is over. I have to make a phone call and return to reality, how will I survive? Oh yeah, we're doing this again next month.

Posted by Posted by Mallory at Wednesday, May 09, 2007

If you're still here you should read his side of the story.

I need a BSE now more than ever.